Sleepy yet sleepless

There are some nights when sleep simply evades me. I lie on my bed, tossing and turning, eyes tightly shut, my body perfectly positioned in the blanket, with one leg safely inside, and the other peaking out and softly curled on a pillow; one hand below the head, the other one over the pillow. But sleep won’t come. Just a couple of hours ago, I was so drowsy and tired that I could not wait to go to bed. I waited for the perfect moment, when my body cycle is used to falling asleep and I knew I wouldn’t have to focus a lot on it. I stopped using my phone 10 minutes before, knowing that it’s easier if the phone is kept aside atleast few minutes before going to bed. I took all the measures. But here I am, it’s been more than an hour and I cannot sleep.

I wasn’t thinking anything special today, I swear! Just the usual stuff. Trying to make plans of what I will do tomorrow, with the thoughts slowly drifting to whether I even wanted to go back to office and do that work. This slowly transformed into me coming up with plans of how I could do something else. But what else can I do? I need to have money for the lavish lifestyle I want. Point. Let’s make a list of the things I find interesting. Psychology sounds fun, but it might need a degree. People are posting a lot of dance videos on instagram these days and getting famous. But I can’t dance that well. Should I join dance classes? But all of them are atleast an hour away. I cannot manage to go to dance classes will all the office work I have pending. Now that is a vicious circle 😦

I decide there is no end to this. Let’s think about something else. Where do I want to travel next? Beaches are out of question, I am still trying really hard to get rid of the tan lines from the previous trip. Well it’s been long since I travelled north. I can visit mom and dad also while I’m there. But it will take a lot of planning, I am burdened with work. If I am planning to take a lot of leaves, why not go to Europe? That has always been a part of the plan. Ok Google, which country in Europe is best to be visited during summers? But whom all will I ask? Let’s ask the girls on the group, hear their opinion and then decide.

Hey! I haven’t talked to that friend in a long time. It would be weird to message though, we weren’t that good friends. I wonder why I haven’t seen her posts on Instagram. Let me just check. Oh there she is. Probably her posts didn’t get prioritized on my feed, given the plethora of meme pages I follow. Oh, this is a good meme. Let me send it to the set of people I share memes with the entire day, and that being the only conversation we have.

Ok! Now you really need to sleep. Just keep the damn phone down. Then randomly, out of nowhere, my mind tells me to think about my crush, like the last rite of the daily ritual. Was he really looking at me today or am I totally reading it all wrong, again? Was I being too obvious today though? I should have said something funnier when we sort of managed to talk today instead of being too philosophical. But I should be myself right? I shouldn’t say things just to impress. But did I dress properly today? Oh man I did dress really bad, why would he like me!! Light is faster than sound. Why was I worried about the jokes when I should have focused on the looks. He’ll be shallow if he does that but what do I care? I am anyway not getting ahead with this.

I promise now I’ll close my eyes, keep the phone down and not think about anything. I think I am falling asleep. Hurray!

Oh no!


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Transitioning to converting my thoughts into blogs from talking to myself about them

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